Wanting to end the suffering when the dark night became unbearable
About one in eighteen accounts include suicidal ideation during the integration process, typically in the context of the dark night, where the suffering is so intense that life feels unbearable, or where the ordinary self wants to end but doesn't know how.
Several accounts describe this not as wanting to die in the ordinary sense but as desperately wanting the suffering to stop, and not being able to see any other way. This distinguishes it from premeditated suicidality, though the distress is no less real.
No direct quotes extracted for this category.