The shift coming and going, stabilizing slowly — or not at all
The shift is not always permanent or stable. Many accounts describe weeks, months, or years of moving between ordinary experience and something else — the opened state coming and going, stabilizing slowly over time, or cycling in waves that could last for years.
These accounts are valuable precisely because they resist the common framing of awakening as a permanent, once-and-for-all event. For many people, the process is more like a tide than a light switch.
And so I was oscillating between the the waves of terror and, you know, feeling like I'm going to be sucked into this black void any minute and die.
I sometimes use the analogy of like if you had a pan full of water and the water was sort of agitated there ripples and waves and you wanted them to stop you wouldn't start pushing on the waves because you'd create more ripples, you have to just sort of let it let it settle.
For those listening on the audio, she is going back and forth, rather then up and down.
Right now, if I were to describe my experience to me, I would see pure consciousness and I see all these sheets and waves and points of light, they're fluctuating and they're crossing each other, there's points where they cross, they spiral out.
Experience types that appear most often alongside this.
Other integration challenges that co-occur most frequently in the same accounts.